It started two nights ago as I was transferring dates from my 2015 calendar to 2016. I always do it between Christmas and New Years; writing down birthday's and adding a year. I also have the year that loved ones have passed, both family and pets. I got a bit melancholy looking at how many death's were noted, and how old the rest of us are.
This has been a very difficult year for me; I have shed more tears than anyone knows. I have my good times for sure, but I have also experienced a lot of sadness and loneliness in the last twelve months. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for a lot of things about my life, but am equally unhappy about some things I have always wanted that I no longer have any hope that they will ever come to be.
A few days ago, I saw on the next block up the little blue house that has been empty for over a decade is in the process of being torn down. There are a few guys salvaging what they can from it before it's demolished. It made me very sad - I hoped for the longest time that someone would come along and buy it and bring it back to it's former glory. It's a sweet little craftsman with a bay window and picket fence. It brought out the romantic in me; I saw what it could be, not what it was.
Seeing that house being ripped apart was just another sign to me that there is less and less that connects me to this neighborhood and the house that I will have to leave after almost 18 years. I am a little scared (to be honest) about where I will end up next, and can only hope that it will not be worse than where I am at. There have been many changes on the block that make me glad I am leaving, but there are still little things that make me wish I could stay.
This is not going to end with me saying something deep and insightful, I don't have it in me right now. I am just going to keep trying to do the best I can, and try to stay as positive about the future as I can, and know that some days that is a real struggle, and others not so much.
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