Wheels

Last weekend I rented a car for the first time in a year. Last Sunday was the Around the Corner annual picnic, and for the first time in 3 years I didn't want to have to bum a ride from anyone. But I also just was looking forward to driving. Period.

June was 3 years since my car died and I've been riding the bus ever since. For a long time it was a daily reminder of feeling like a failure. I felt like such a loser,  that at my age I couldn't afford to get a new car. At times I still feel that,  but I just have to deal with it.

But very recently I've realized that not having my own car has had other affects on me too. I feel like I'm very boring. I haven't been able to go to so many of the places I really love, and that feed my soul. It's almost like I've been hibernating or put my life on hold.

I love to go down to the waterfront and did just that last Saturday. I got a sandwich from the deli at Haggen and drove down there and just sat and ate, and enjoyed the view. I used to do stuff like that all the time.

Doing almost all of my travels by bus to run errands is so time consuming I don't have time to go somewhere just to have fun. Some places are also just difficult to get to on the bus. The truth is I'm just tired of living this way, because I feel like I'm not really living at all.