Changes Are Afoot

The Lilac

I know I've been lax in my posting's on the blog recently, that's partly because I finally caved and created an Instagram account. It was more so to make it easier for me to keep up on the folks that I like to follow, but I've posted a couple things as well.

Just like when I created my G-Mail account, the nickname I wanted for my user name was already taken; and my back-up nickname? Ditto. So I decided to try the name that my friend Steve Stimson gave a canoe that I got from my brother: "Our Lady of Subdued Excitement". (Not too long after that I ended up giving the canoe to Steve. Then Steve gave it to a guy that I can't remember his name, but Steve's description of him was hilarious, something along the lines of looking like Steve McQueen...after he went through the ringer).

Steve for those who may not know this, painted the mural in downtown Bellingham called "City of Subdued Excitement". The name stuck as a new nickname for Bellingham, even though sadly most of the time he doesn't get proper credit for that. He eventually renamed his antique store from "Lone Wolf" to that, eventually he closed it after he & Naomi remodeled the space into their home. You may have seen him around town playing his sax in his Mr. Peanut costume if you were lucky.

Naomi & Steve

So anyways, the link is in my website favorites if you want to catch up with me there. I've also been meaning to write about all of the police shootings, which I feel very strongly about, but that will have to wait for another day. 

The main thing keeping me busy is that I am starting to go through my possessions and weeding out the deadwood, because at some point by next spring I have to move. My sister in law Cindy called me several weeks back saying she wants to sell the house. This July will be 17 years since I moved in and I've collected a lot of stuff. I'm having to be brutally honest about some things and getting rid of what I don't really need. Some of it has been easier than I thought.

So wish me luck. I am trying to think positive every single day that this is for the best and that I will land in a better place.

Today's Post is Brought to You by My Lilacs

Yesterday when I was online I read a piece by L.A. Times columnist Sandy Banks about the long term affect of losing your mother at an early age. She talks about her own experience of losing her mother to cancer when she was 17 and her mother was 52.

She references a book called "Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman that I had never heard of, but know I need to read. I broke down crying at one point when I could see myself in several of the things she described. It hit me like a ton of bricks, because I all of a sudden didn't feel so crazy.

Edelman noted several character traits that were common including a sense of isolation, and a deep sense of our own mortality.  A tendency to be very independent, yet expecting rejection, and unlikely to ask for help. She quotes a therapist named Irene Rubaum-Keller who lost her mother at the age of 7; "Lonely, sort of needy, but not wanting to need anyone because that's too scary."

Mom & me 1962

Banks also talks about reading a piece from columnist Anna Quindlen who lost her mother at 19, and how it defined her for a long time; I could see myself in that too. I was 2 months shy of my 23rd birthday when my mother died at the age of 51 from a heart attack. It pulled the rug out from under me. Reading the article made me realize it had affected me in ways I never understood.

When I was reading "The Magic Room" I thought about the fact that without my mother around, I never really had any guidance when it came to dating and men. I didn't date much before she died to be able to learn from her, and I have probably confused every man I've ever met with my honesty, but it's the only way I know how to be. I have difficulty expressing my feelings, but when I do, I'm direct about them. The saying about still waters running deep fits me to a T.

Summer 1980

I also unfortunately developed quite a fatalistic attitude after mom's death that in some ways has made me very apathetic about my own life. I feel like I've spent the last 29 years on the outside looking in, and it's tiring.

Spring Flowers

Lilacs

Sweet Peas

I clipped one of the lilacs from the bush out front, and oh man, I love the aroma! I am so nostalgic every spring about lilacs, because of the one we had outside our front door back home in Kazoo. Smelling it every morning on
the way to school, and coming home. Ahh...







I finally got my Sweet Pea starts potted yesterday. It was interesting, the roots were actually poking through the bottom of the little peat pots I started them in, I don't remember seeing that last spring. I am hoping these do really well again this year, they are certainly off to a good start.

Flowers

Kelly's Christmas Cactus

My Lilac 

 I had accidently broken two sections of my large Christmas Cactus this winter and decided to try and root them in water. I've only ever done that with ivies so I had no idea whether it would work.
It did, and I finally potted it to eventually give to Kelly at work, but I want to make sure it is healthy and established before I give it to her. It's been cool seeing the new growth, I potted it about a month ago, and I think it's doing really well. The new growth is kind of a burgundy-ish color, and I counted 7 new sections.



And I have been really enjoying my Lilac this spring; I had clipped several off to bring inside to enjoy at home and at work. I love the fragrance and think they are beautiful too. I wish it would grow taller faster, but am still pleased that it blooms every year and is healthy.